so here's to you, my dearest friends

I'm having a hard time processing all the different thoughts and emotions that are going through my mind right now. As I sit here at the table in my apartment, procrastinating about cleaning and packing, I am alone with my thoughts and that might not be a good thing.

I don't want to say goodbye.

I am sitting here thinking back over this year and there are so many things to be thankful for, so many things that I have triumphed over, so many things that I have learned, so many memories that I have lived. I can look back with a lot of pain--this year has been one of the most painful and emotionally difficult years of my life, but I can also look back with amazement at how fun this year has been in spite of that. And I credit that to my friends. Thank God for my friends. I never would have survived without them. My heart literally feels pain and I tear up when I think about parting ways with them. So here's to you friends. I know I am bad at verbally expressing how much you all mean to me, so I am going to do it in the way I know how.

Jessi. I can't think about leaving you without crying. I am sitting here sobbing right now. You are my sister, one of the few who knows me best. You have been a major part of my life for the past 22 years. And in a few weeks, that is going to change. I don't want to think about what it is going to be like to not be living near you. I know that our relationship is best when we can each take our space, but in spite of that, I feel like we have gotten a lot closer in these college years, and I have really enjoyed that. You were there, waiting there for me when I returned from one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. You were there when I needed encouragement about who I was. You were there to talk, to listen, and to give advice. You have been part of my healing. Thank you. I love you so much. No matter where we end up in the next few years, always remember that I love you. We are family, and my love runs deep. Deeper than you will ever know.

Chelsea. You are my roommate. You are my confidant. You were there when a relationship was built, and you were there when it crumbled. You too waited for me with open arms. I am so thankful for the day when we decided that we should and could be friends. You are fun, give good advice, and you are quirky and funny :) You are beautiful in so many ways. You have been an encouragement in my growing process. I know that we have had our times this year when things have been difficult. But those times I feel, helped us to grow stronger and closer together. We have been tested and know that we can survive. Wherever we go, wherever we end up, I will always love you and count you as one of my closest friends.

Tara. You have been one of the most pleasant surprises for me this year. I know this may sound bad, but at the beginning of this year I didn't really like you and I didn't want to live with you. But lands sakes alive am I ever so glad that you are here with me friend. I absolutely love you with all my heart! You friend, are one of the biggest influences I have had this year in making me a happier person. You have taught me how to live. You have taught me how to change my perspectives, to be accepting, to be open and loving. Thank you for that amazing gift. I love your passion Tara. I hope to be like you someday.

Nick. Chico we have had some good times. You have seen me at my best, and you have seen me at my worst. Thank you for loving me in spite of all that. Thank you for all your support. It means a lot to me, all the late night taco bell runs and drives when I just needed to talk. You were there to listen, you were there to pray. You have been very selfless with your time. I appreciate it so much. We did not know each other very well at the beginning of this year, but that has changed drastically. I am so glad that you worked to draw me out of my shell. You too, have been a huge influence in changing my perspectives. Who would have ever thought that we would be such good friends? You have taught me to embrace life as well. You have taught me how to laugh again. Thank you. I love you so much.

Ben. You are another that I did not know very well at the beginning of this year. But that has changed and I love you so much now. I am so appreciative of your helpfulness. It amazes me how giving you are. You were part of my healing process as well, even if you didn't know it. You were always there for hugs if I needed them. Your thoughtfulness is very much appreciated friend!

Chris. My fellow introvert! I did not know you very well at the beginning of this year either. But that has changed. I have enjoyed getting to know you so much. You too are very thoughtful and helpful, and that is so nice. I can't thank you enough for all your help on spanish papers and english papers, I don't know what I would have done without you. It is so nice to have someone who understands my personality a bit more than others do. I have enjoyed all our talks over popsicles, during SM class, and other random times. You have taught me to enjoy simple things in life, like stars, rain, the feel of the weather outside, the thrill of a good run. You have introduced me to so much music that I absolutely love. Thanks for all the times that you offer me an escape when I need one. I am sad that I am just getting to know you as we are all parting ways. I wish you well on your SM year. If God wills it and we both end up in the same place, I would be thrilled. But if not, then take Argentina by storm my friend!

There are many others that I have enjoyed getting to know and appreciate so much. Tyler. You friend have livened up my life. Allison Gerard. I love you a ton! I am so glad that you moved in with us! I wish we could have had more time together. Gabe. Babe. You are so fun! I have enjoyed playing volleyball and hanging out with you so much this year. Thanks for your friendship. Brittany Graves. We have gotten to know each other better this year, and I have enjoyed that a lot. You are so hospitable and friendly. I hope to be like that someday. Alisa, Elisa, Lori, Shelly, Nate, Kristina, Justin Jones, I have enjoyed every minute of spending time with you guys and getting to know you better. Again, I wish we could have had more time together.

I cannot adequately describe in words how much I love you all. I only hope that at least a fraction of my emotion and gratitude is conveyed in my words.

Wherever the Lord leads us, whatever circumstances shape us, whatever amount of time and space separate us, I will not forget you guys and one of the most blessed years I have had in my life. I will not forget.