i've been thinking a lot lately about a few things that i miss. now i know that i miss a ton of things while being down here in argentina, but these aren't your typical food or comfort items.
i miss being tired. like the good i've-worked-my-butt-off-today kind of tired. the kind that i used to experience after having a long day at school and then having a hardcore track practice or meet. the kind of tired where you have done your duties and gotten satisfaction out of them. the kind where you have accomplished a lot in a day. those are the good kinds of tired that i haven't experienced in a while.
i am really big on feel and atmosphere, and i have really been missing a family atmosphere, and a good Sabbath atmosphere too. friday nights just aren't the same here, and i think that is one of the things i miss the most. i miss chillin' with my sister. i miss the group sing-a-longs of hymns and other good songs, the potlucks, the fellowship. and then the calm after vespers and after everyone else has left and i can just sit in the dark with some candles and soft music playing and just unwind and bask in my thoughts, or have a good deep conversation with one of my housemates. and i miss the random times my friends and i would snuggle out on our couch on the back porch until 5 on Sabbath morning just talking and spending quality time together.
i never really thought i'd be saying this, and it may come as a shock to some of you, but i miss human touch. i generally have a rather large space bubble, but that is mostly with people i don't know. i know i put up a front of 'don't come near me or touch me,' but i like my bubble being invaded (for the most part) by people i am close to and love. i don't get a lot of human touch in general, and down here in argentina it is pretty much non-existent. but because i don't get it a lot, touch can be very meaningful for me, and i miss getting hugs, or having my hair played with, or someone rubbing my back, or even just having a hand on my shoulder.
i plan on getting these things back soon so that i don't have to miss them anymore. but for now, i do miss them terribly.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
sprechen sie deutsch?
why no, no i don't. at least not yet...
today i entered the world of the overwhelmed. yep, that's right. today i started, maybe started is too strong of a word. today i attempted to research grad school options. it is basically insane. there are so many options, too many options for an indecisive person like myself. i at least have the blessing of knowing that i want to go into the general realm of art history. but there are still 15 bazillion results for that, and i know that isn't even all of them listed on a sometimes not so helpful gradschools (dot) com... ahem. if i wanted to, i could go to school in any of the 50 states. or i could go to london, or sweden, or scotland, or wales, or italy, or south africa, or germany.... you get the idea. i have options. that's the understatement of the year.
i spent hours scrolling through the options and clicking on the ones that looked like they were interesting or what i was looking for, which, by the way, is a good school that offers both a masters and ph.d. program. that just seems more ideal so that i wouldn't have to transfer schools more than is necessary.
i was trying to be all organized and write down some stuff, but that quickly fell by the wayside. too much work. i resorted to saving the pdfs of the requirements. i ended up with 9 universities in my first cut. then i slowly started going to those school's websites in hopes of finding more information. by the way, a button that says "get informed" does not actually mean you will be more informed if you do indeed click on it....
after going through those sites and the requirements, i began to question if this is indeed what i want to do. the requirements are daunting, frightening, and any other synonym you can come up with for SCARY! i quickly realized that it is going to be a while before i can actually go to grad school. i have to learn two other languages first. joy. maybe one day i will be happy that i spent 20 years becoming a cuatralingual person...
right now i have three options that seem 'do-able.' those would be the university of minnesota, emory university in atlanta, and the university of iowa, in iowa city. who knew they had a good art history program?
i guess now i should focus on finding summer classes in italian and german. Tritte und vergnügt.
today i entered the world of the overwhelmed. yep, that's right. today i started, maybe started is too strong of a word. today i attempted to research grad school options. it is basically insane. there are so many options, too many options for an indecisive person like myself. i at least have the blessing of knowing that i want to go into the general realm of art history. but there are still 15 bazillion results for that, and i know that isn't even all of them listed on a sometimes not so helpful gradschools (dot) com... ahem. if i wanted to, i could go to school in any of the 50 states. or i could go to london, or sweden, or scotland, or wales, or italy, or south africa, or germany.... you get the idea. i have options. that's the understatement of the year.
i spent hours scrolling through the options and clicking on the ones that looked like they were interesting or what i was looking for, which, by the way, is a good school that offers both a masters and ph.d. program. that just seems more ideal so that i wouldn't have to transfer schools more than is necessary.
i was trying to be all organized and write down some stuff, but that quickly fell by the wayside. too much work. i resorted to saving the pdfs of the requirements. i ended up with 9 universities in my first cut. then i slowly started going to those school's websites in hopes of finding more information. by the way, a button that says "get informed" does not actually mean you will be more informed if you do indeed click on it....
after going through those sites and the requirements, i began to question if this is indeed what i want to do. the requirements are daunting, frightening, and any other synonym you can come up with for SCARY! i quickly realized that it is going to be a while before i can actually go to grad school. i have to learn two other languages first. joy. maybe one day i will be happy that i spent 20 years becoming a cuatralingual person...
right now i have three options that seem 'do-able.' those would be the university of minnesota, emory university in atlanta, and the university of iowa, in iowa city. who knew they had a good art history program?
i guess now i should focus on finding summer classes in italian and german. Tritte und vergnügt.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
the climb
i remember very vividly the first time i went rock climbing. i was a scared young freshman tagging along with my older sister and her friends for a trip to t wall in tennessee. now for those of you who don't know, this is a place for trad climbing, meaning there are no set routes and bolts for you, you have to find a route and place the bolts there yourself.
i remember standing back and watching as matt turk set up the route, not sure if i wanted to attempt this strange new activity. i wasn't sure that i was capable of such a thing. i watched as people like bjorn and jessi went ahead of me. i observed how they did things so that i could learn from them. finally it was my turn. the first part of the climb was really hard for me. it was a crack, and i didn't know how to maneuver it. it took many tries and failures. finally bjorn, who was belaying me, basically hauled me up to the top of the crack. from there i slowly figured out how to climb on my own.
the middle part passed by as i slowly ascended. but pretty soon the going got tough. i had no idea what i was doing, but people were yelling up at me from way down on the ground to just keep going; i could do it. so i kept going. but then i got tired and scared and didn't think i could do it anymore. i was only a few feet from the top, a mere few moves from kissing the carabiner. but i couldn't do it. i started crying and begging to be let down. but jessi would not let me come down. she said she knew i could do it and that i would regret it if i quit now. i got mad at her, but she just kept telling me, 'krista. you can do it. keep going. you don't want to regret not finishing.' i gingerly started climbing again on my shaky legs. and within a few minutes i was at the top with a kiss of victory.
the last part was getting down. that was easy and pretty soon i was back on the ground with my friends. in discussing climbing later, i found out that you can't rely on your arm strength alone, which i had done a lot of. you have to tap into your real strength, your legs, your core.
i have only a few more moves until i have completed my climb here. but now i know that i'm going to tap into my real strength. and pretty soon i'll be kissing that carabiner.
i remember standing back and watching as matt turk set up the route, not sure if i wanted to attempt this strange new activity. i wasn't sure that i was capable of such a thing. i watched as people like bjorn and jessi went ahead of me. i observed how they did things so that i could learn from them. finally it was my turn. the first part of the climb was really hard for me. it was a crack, and i didn't know how to maneuver it. it took many tries and failures. finally bjorn, who was belaying me, basically hauled me up to the top of the crack. from there i slowly figured out how to climb on my own.
the middle part passed by as i slowly ascended. but pretty soon the going got tough. i had no idea what i was doing, but people were yelling up at me from way down on the ground to just keep going; i could do it. so i kept going. but then i got tired and scared and didn't think i could do it anymore. i was only a few feet from the top, a mere few moves from kissing the carabiner. but i couldn't do it. i started crying and begging to be let down. but jessi would not let me come down. she said she knew i could do it and that i would regret it if i quit now. i got mad at her, but she just kept telling me, 'krista. you can do it. keep going. you don't want to regret not finishing.' i gingerly started climbing again on my shaky legs. and within a few minutes i was at the top with a kiss of victory.
the last part was getting down. that was easy and pretty soon i was back on the ground with my friends. in discussing climbing later, i found out that you can't rely on your arm strength alone, which i had done a lot of. you have to tap into your real strength, your legs, your core.
i have only a few more moves until i have completed my climb here. but now i know that i'm going to tap into my real strength. and pretty soon i'll be kissing that carabiner.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Saturday, March 12, 2011
singing with the angels
this morning our aca choir sang for sabbath school. we sang a song we learned a while back called 'how excellent' which is a gospel choir song. when we were practicing it before the service it was rough. none of the boys were showing up so we were playing around with the key so that the girls could cover the boys part, but we couldn't find a good key. so that in turn threw off the alto part and it was just a mess and sounded pretty bad. eventually james showed up and spencer came once we were done practicing. when it came to be our time to go up, we went backstage and had a quick prayer. imani prayed that God would send his angels to sing with us. and i swear He did.
last minute imani decided to have Lauren sing the first verse solo. we get up there and she sings the first verse, but her mic was off. so she turns it on and tries again. she was on, and when she got to the high part, she absolutely nailed it. it brought tears to my eyes unexpectedly. and then when the choir came in, we were few in number but we sounded so full and strong. we pretty much nailed it too. there had to be angels singing with us. it was so powerful and goosebump inducing. i still get the chills thinking about it.
here is a recording of our song. the video doesn't do it justice, but it's all i've got.
Video streaming by Ustream
last minute imani decided to have Lauren sing the first verse solo. we get up there and she sings the first verse, but her mic was off. so she turns it on and tries again. she was on, and when she got to the high part, she absolutely nailed it. it brought tears to my eyes unexpectedly. and then when the choir came in, we were few in number but we sounded so full and strong. we pretty much nailed it too. there had to be angels singing with us. it was so powerful and goosebump inducing. i still get the chills thinking about it.
here is a recording of our song. the video doesn't do it justice, but it's all i've got.
Video streaming by Ustream
Friday, March 11, 2011
to be used up
i just went back and re-read all of my blog posts from the beginning. some of them inspire me, some of them make me sad. but it was good to see the person i was back then and the journey i have been on. i had so much hope in the beginning. i am a little embarrassed to say that i have lost some of that, ok maybe a lot of that. i'm a little hesitant to say that i have been struggling a lot lately with feelings of inadequacy and depression and boredom and wondering why i am here in argentina. i have had a sour attitude that i am not proud of. i don't feel needed at all, which is not a good feeling. i have been complaining about a lot of things. i hate being so discontent with things and not being able to turn my attitude around. but reading some of my blogs has made me determined to finish out this year strong, or at least stronger than it has been of late.
i found a quote the other day that i liked
"this is true joy in life, the being used up for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one, the being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy." ~george bernard shaw
it was a little slap in the face. i have come to realize that i don't do well when i don't feel needed, wanted, or like i am making a difference.
but maybe i will have another little opportunity. i am to have some new students that don't speak much english at all. maybe this time i will actually feel like i am making a difference. and maybe it's time to stop focusing on how miserable i might feel, stop bemoaning my situation or feelings and just try to be used up for a mighty purpose, whatever it might be.
i found a quote the other day that i liked
"this is true joy in life, the being used up for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one, the being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy." ~george bernard shaw
it was a little slap in the face. i have come to realize that i don't do well when i don't feel needed, wanted, or like i am making a difference.
but maybe i will have another little opportunity. i am to have some new students that don't speak much english at all. maybe this time i will actually feel like i am making a difference. and maybe it's time to stop focusing on how miserable i might feel, stop bemoaning my situation or feelings and just try to be used up for a mighty purpose, whatever it might be.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
seat belts, swerving, and much much prayer.
planning our quick trip to uruguay had been a little hectic. we were back and forth between taking a bus or a taxi, changing our minds and then having to change them again, and a frantic dash to the bus station only to change our minds yet again. we did some calling around and decided on a taxi. the man on the other end of the phone seemed nice enough and he was the only one willing to do it for a decent price. so mr. jose whatever his last name was became our hired driver.
we decided to leave on a sunday night so that we could just drive through the night and hopefully sleep in the car. we packed and hauled our stuff out to the portico to meet our driver. what met our eyes was a car with a corner of the hood totally smashed in. he told us not to worry, that it looked worse than it was.
we piled all of our stuff in the "trunk" which also was a bit smashed in, and piled ourselves in the car and we were off. about 10 seconds later i discovered that there wasn't a seatbelt on my side. our driver talked non stop for the first three hours until we hit the border. it was the most painless border crossing i have ever had. we simply rolled down the windows, handed him our passports and then he stamped them and we were on our way.
it was after this that things started going down hill. the girl in the front seat started to sleep, and most of us in the back were dozing or sleeping as well. i was fairly alert and i noticed that our driver began to get really fidgety. it was one in the morning and i didn't know if he was just antsy or was getting tired. we soon found out that he was tired. at first he decided to make these weird sucking noises with his mouth, like he was trying to suck something out of his teeth. then he would whistle. pretty soon the radio was cranked. then the air conditioner was cranked. all during this time we were swerving ALOT on the road. i was fearing for my life a little bit and at one point was about to offer that I drive, and i don't drive stick. i finally had rebekah tell him that he could stop and sleep if he wanted. so pretty soon we stopped and he took a 15 minute nap. i didn't sleep like at all that night because i felt that i had to keep watch or something. all of us also distinctly remember being awakened from our sleeping/dozing at 3 in the morning from a very emphatic radio guy announcing in that special way they do down here that a goal had been made...
it continued on like this all night. the swerving, trying to stay awake, stopping at gas stations ( i have never in my life stopped at so many gas stations in one trip) and taking little naps. it was miserable. lauren was sick, rose and rebekah and i were sore and sleep deprived and desperate for the trip to be over.
we finally pulled into our final destination at 9 the next morning, 13 hours after leaving and many hours longer than we expected. but it was worth it and our few days there were pretty good with lots of walking and beach going. we fried ourselves, had some frustrations with our taxi driver once in town, but we also found a real cupcake shop! :)
when it came time to leave, we all discussed it and decided that our chances of living were better if we were to drive mostly during the day. so we left at 3 in the afternoon. so we all piled in again, hoping desperately that this trip back would be better. and it was for the most part, or so we thought. our driver decided to take a different route back. and he was like a nascar driver. we were going so fast and all the other girls were getting car sick, which is weird because usually i am the one that suffers from that. we made good time, but then the sun went down. and we finally figured out that our driver can't see. especially at night. our speed changed drastically and we started swerving. again. at one point we almost swerved into an oncoming truck.
we finally reached a border crossing, different from the one before. it was here that we discovered that the man at the border crossing on the way in HAD NOT STAMPED rose's passport. how does that happen when that is your one and only job at your station?! naturally she got in trouble for this and no matter what we tried to tell her, they were still mad. plus they said that her information was not in the computer because it was a different crossing. isn't it like a country-wide database? we were all just really frustrated. nothing comes easy down here. she got questioned, and we were worried that she might get deported, and then that WE might get deported because we are "students" here but not on student visas. but they didn't question too much and she ended up having to pay a fine and get this special notice to put in her passport. and to top it all of there was a young woman army officer that had major attitude with us at the next station. lovely.
we moved on and got out of uruguay but there was a lot more swerving and praying for our lives on the way. at one point to keep the driver awake we all had a very loud and animated conversation about the food we missed. (i would say on average our conversations here are about food 95% of the time).
it was with great relief and much rejoicing that we made it back to la uap and finally were on safe ground again.
we decided to leave on a sunday night so that we could just drive through the night and hopefully sleep in the car. we packed and hauled our stuff out to the portico to meet our driver. what met our eyes was a car with a corner of the hood totally smashed in. he told us not to worry, that it looked worse than it was.
we piled all of our stuff in the "trunk" which also was a bit smashed in, and piled ourselves in the car and we were off. about 10 seconds later i discovered that there wasn't a seatbelt on my side. our driver talked non stop for the first three hours until we hit the border. it was the most painless border crossing i have ever had. we simply rolled down the windows, handed him our passports and then he stamped them and we were on our way.
it was after this that things started going down hill. the girl in the front seat started to sleep, and most of us in the back were dozing or sleeping as well. i was fairly alert and i noticed that our driver began to get really fidgety. it was one in the morning and i didn't know if he was just antsy or was getting tired. we soon found out that he was tired. at first he decided to make these weird sucking noises with his mouth, like he was trying to suck something out of his teeth. then he would whistle. pretty soon the radio was cranked. then the air conditioner was cranked. all during this time we were swerving ALOT on the road. i was fearing for my life a little bit and at one point was about to offer that I drive, and i don't drive stick. i finally had rebekah tell him that he could stop and sleep if he wanted. so pretty soon we stopped and he took a 15 minute nap. i didn't sleep like at all that night because i felt that i had to keep watch or something. all of us also distinctly remember being awakened from our sleeping/dozing at 3 in the morning from a very emphatic radio guy announcing in that special way they do down here that a goal had been made...
it continued on like this all night. the swerving, trying to stay awake, stopping at gas stations ( i have never in my life stopped at so many gas stations in one trip) and taking little naps. it was miserable. lauren was sick, rose and rebekah and i were sore and sleep deprived and desperate for the trip to be over.
we finally pulled into our final destination at 9 the next morning, 13 hours after leaving and many hours longer than we expected. but it was worth it and our few days there were pretty good with lots of walking and beach going. we fried ourselves, had some frustrations with our taxi driver once in town, but we also found a real cupcake shop! :)
when it came time to leave, we all discussed it and decided that our chances of living were better if we were to drive mostly during the day. so we left at 3 in the afternoon. so we all piled in again, hoping desperately that this trip back would be better. and it was for the most part, or so we thought. our driver decided to take a different route back. and he was like a nascar driver. we were going so fast and all the other girls were getting car sick, which is weird because usually i am the one that suffers from that. we made good time, but then the sun went down. and we finally figured out that our driver can't see. especially at night. our speed changed drastically and we started swerving. again. at one point we almost swerved into an oncoming truck.
we finally reached a border crossing, different from the one before. it was here that we discovered that the man at the border crossing on the way in HAD NOT STAMPED rose's passport. how does that happen when that is your one and only job at your station?! naturally she got in trouble for this and no matter what we tried to tell her, they were still mad. plus they said that her information was not in the computer because it was a different crossing. isn't it like a country-wide database? we were all just really frustrated. nothing comes easy down here. she got questioned, and we were worried that she might get deported, and then that WE might get deported because we are "students" here but not on student visas. but they didn't question too much and she ended up having to pay a fine and get this special notice to put in her passport. and to top it all of there was a young woman army officer that had major attitude with us at the next station. lovely.
we moved on and got out of uruguay but there was a lot more swerving and praying for our lives on the way. at one point to keep the driver awake we all had a very loud and animated conversation about the food we missed. (i would say on average our conversations here are about food 95% of the time).
it was with great relief and much rejoicing that we made it back to la uap and finally were on safe ground again.
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