I've been struggling with something for a while now, the concept of needs versus selflessness. I just don't know the answer to this no matter how much I work it over in my mind. I think part of the conflict comes from being a person of faith in the 21st century. As a Christian, I want to model my life after Christ, and he was very selfless. However in the age we live in, our society is very focused on self and looking out for number one. I believe in taking care of myself, but for some reason I feel that to have needs, and to (heaven forbid) express them, is something that is unforgivable.

I struggle with perfection, and for most of my life, perfection has looked like a person with no needs, who can endlessly give of themselves with a smile on their face, a person who does not let a thought cross their minds about feeling empty or feeling like it's someone else's turn to give, to nurture, to affirm, to put forth effort even if they don't feel like it; to do the work. I've been raised with the idea (or I've come across it along the way) that I should turn the other cheek, to suck it up and buck up, to be the perpetual deaconess who denies herself so that others can be satisfied first and repeatedly. I have this idea that if there has to be a martyr in a situation, I should raise my hand and volunteer. Where does this come from?

If I have needs, I am selfish, inconsiderate . . . needy. I don't want to be needy. But I don't want to dry up and wither either.

I can't reconcile the two.