Life is often a struggle for me in that I struggle to find joy. It's a struggle for me because although I have some very definite beliefs and opinions, I'm not sure I can actually say many things that I enjoy doing or that bring me joy. It is so hard for me to answer the question, "So, what do you like to do for fun?". "Um . . . I don't know. I like to read." is usually my pat answer. I've always attributed this to the fact that I am by nature a quieter and more serious person, but lately this has not set well with me. Even if I am serious, there has still got to be at least a few things that bring me joy or that I find fun.
With this in my mind, I pulled out a journal that my old college roommate had given me a few years ago. I keep it by my bed in case I ever want to use it as a prayer journal or something. It's got a beachy theme with lots of quotes about the ocean interspersed throughout its pages. The beach is not entirely my thing, but the quote on the cover is something I want to be my thing:
"Find what brings you joy and go there." -Jan Phillips
I am not sure if I can fully articulate the sizzle this started in my heart. There were feelings of intense desire to find joy, and yet with that, the recognition that I always sit back and wait for joy to happen to me, when really, I should be seeking it out. "Find what brings you joy and go there." There is a journey entailed there, a determined seeking out. It means I have to get off my rear end and stop simply accepting what happens to me in the hopes that joy will come my way. I have to go out and do things, try things in order to find what brings me joy, what I find fun. There is an exploration component to this that I have been neglecting.
There is potential for this quote to be taken as an escapist thought, and in some ways, an escape is what I long for also, à la Eat, Pray, Love, but it also speaks of a safe place, a place that I can always go to for a hit of happiness in this oft-too-dreary world.
I'm still going to struggle, and I have a long trial and error process in front of me, but here's to hoping that I actually figure out what I like to do for fun.
