216 days

i have specifically not listened to two songs while i have been here in argentina.

home - by michael bublé

i made it (cash money heroes) - by kevin rudolf

the first i couldn't listen to for obvious reasons.

the second i am saving for the plane back to the states.

7 days.

so good, so inspiring

"If you would be a saint in heaven you must first be a saint on earth. The traits of character you cherish in life will not be changed by death or by the resurrection. You will come up from the grave with the same disposition you manifested in your home and society. Jesus does not change the character at His coming. The work of transformation must be done now. Our daily lives are determining our destiny. Defects of character must be repented of and overcome through the grace of Christ, and a symmetrical character must be formed while in this probationary state, that we may be fitted for the mansions above."

~Ellen G. White

i'm lying here on my bed in the dorm room, all stretched out and watching a tv show on my computer. it's a warm fall day and the sunlight is streaming in through my windows, creating an atmosphere that takes me back to other times.

as i look out the window, it makes me want to be in other places, home, to be exact. and tagging along with that thought comes a question. am i always going to be like this? constantly just being juggled around through different phases in life, but always longing for a time that i'm not currently in, past or future?

i think that a lot of times i just endure whatever place i am in. you know, the whole phrase "surviving but not thriving." there are the occasional times where i am content and peaceful, but there should be more of those.

i need to stop dwelling on the past. life is full of change, and it always will be. i need to stop dreaming up fantasies for the future that are dumb and stupid and not going to happen, and i need to stop stressing about the future too. because again, life has a way of changing that i can't control.

i need to let my life play out, and enjoy the ride while it's happening. i'm not very good at it, but i really need to start trying to live in the moment, and thriving. why waste the gift that's been given to me on things that don't matter?

i hate change, i resist it. but maybe it's time to start realizing that change is not the enemy. without change, i would not be in the place i am today, physically and personally. without change, it's almost like being without hope. and hope is something i cannot live without. if i embrace hope, i must embrace change.

i don't know. i don't have this all sorted out into nice categories in my brain, and part of me thinks that's actually impossible. i don't have it figured out. i guess i just want to think about it some more. be more aware, that's all.

the name game

i have had an interesting time with my name here. here is some of what i've gotten so far.

crista turner

krista tourner

turne, krista as i am known on my food card.

krista tourné "ah! you're french!" "um........no."

and my personal favorite:

turner, kristha

kristHA? really?

seems the guard just wants to make my name just a bit more jolly.

apparently i don't speak very clearly when telling people my name.

this is my method now:

"necesitas mi nombre? kreesta tourner. ka ere ee ese te ah, te oo ere ene eh ere." spelling is always the way to go, but maybe a little less fun....

what am i so scared of?

i stepped on my headphones today. i was hoping i could repair them, but alas, i could not. thankfully, and i'm sure my roommates will be thankful too, i have an extra pair. but the pair that i broke were the ones that worked the best.

there is this guy that stands at the door to the cafeteria now. he is the jewelry/weird hair patrol. if you have any sort of jewelry on, he will swoop down and give you a talking to with a smile plastered on his face the whole time. he always greets people when they come in and bids them farewell as they go. i always avoid eye contact with him because i don't care for stupid niceties that aren't sincere.

last saturday night i snuck into the pool area. i jumped the fence and kind of landed harder than i expected. then when i was posing for a picture of me sticking my foot in the pool, i was losing my balance and then almost fell in. and on the way back out, my friend slammed into the fence while i was on top of it and i was left flailing for balance as i almost fell off. one of my less graceful moments.

i have never been much of a bird person, but there are these cute little ground burrowing owls here. they are some of the prettiest birds i have ever seen. elegant and silent. and they are fun size. and sometimes they are a bit chubby, which makes them even cuter. they sit and watch me and my friends as we walk this one street. sometimes they will follow us too. i wish i could take one home.

in my joy at being able to go home soon, i ran and did a cartwheel in the grass the other day. it was rough. it's been a long time since i've been active, let alone done anything gymnastical.

a couple of weeks ago i was walking across a grassy area in front of the caf on my way to the ACA building. i was trying to work on my posture so i was walking rather straight and stoic. but then i thought how funny it would be if there were people in the caf that could see me and if something happened and i fell flat on my face. not two seconds after that, my foot found the only large hole in the lawn and i stumbled. i managed to save myself from an all out face plant, but i still couldn't help but laughing at the "perfect timing."

people still tell me i need to work on my spanish. thanks peoples. i'm trying, ok? why don't you go work on your english? ok that's mean. but sometimes i want to tell them that.

i'm trying to read a book in spanish. i have to look up a lot of words. if a book is too tedious, i usually give up on it. *cough ackgreatexpectationsharumph cough. but i must persevere. it is for my own benefit.

i watched pride and prejudice the other day, the long one, because it was just one of those days. and then i decided that one of my students needed to be exposed to the more complex literary structures and styles of the english language, and with a different accent other than american. so we're now watching it in class. sometimes i really like this teacher thing....

There are always things that spark me to want to have a continually deeper and better relationship with God. A more fervent one. So what's stopping me? Myself obviously, but what? What keeps me from deep, daily conversation and commitment? What keeps me from that connection? What keeps me from surrendering my will, my stubbornness, my life? Am I afraid? Am I too lazy? Am I too lackadaisical? I need to take that step, take that action. It is THE ONLY THING I can be sure of in this life.

Self, get out of the way! Self, get over your fear! Self, be willing to give up secret sins and things you cherish! Grow grow grow! Trim and cut off and grow some more! Don't let anything or anyone stop you. Be you, love you! God made you and He knows how He created you to be. He knows what you desire to be, He sees the potential you see in yourself and sees a million times past that.

You have an ideal for yourself, well He does too. Seek that ideal, but seek after His ideal even more. Believe in yourself, because He does! Even when you think you are the lowest, most disgusting, despicable, debased thing on earth, He sees you as something that can be fit for Heaven! Work for it, practice for it, reach for it with all you can muster, so that you can say "God I gave my all to be with you," and so you can be proud of yourself and so God can be proud of you too. And you know something? He already is proud of you - because you are HIS. You are the apex of His creation, His glory. So act like it! Claim it! Have confidence in it! You hear that? BE CONFIDENT! Because He is confident in you.

Let your personality, your joy in yourself and how He made you burst forth. Let it out. Show others what you are made of. Show yourself. Let who you are be an expression of praise because that is what you were made for. You will never know how precious you are, but try to. You are precious to others and you are precious to God. Self, listen up! Learn these things, know these things, and hide them in your heart. Grow, love, seek, work, claim, express, praise.

You are beautiful, so multi-faceted and intricate. There is no one else like you. So self, be! Be yourself! Be the image of God. There is nothing better, and an amazing future awaits you. Don't get in the way. . . because you don't have to. You don't have to. Just step aside and reach. Reach for your dreams and the One who made those dreams come alive inside of you. You have purpose, even if you don't see it. You have a part to play. It may seem small, it may seem big, but you can't do your part according to what others may think.

Don't give into doubts because doubts only bring you down and take your focus off of God. Do your part to the best of your ability, because then you can be satisfied with yourself. And no matter what you think or what you think others may think of you, try your best to cast it aside. Concentrate on what God thinks of you because He is really the only one that matters in the end.

Self, take heart! Your troubles are only light and momentary, and are achieving for you a glory that far outweighs them all!

if only i could capture THIS moment from argentina and keep it forever.

*mental picture*