one long continuous day separated by three naps (title by anthony handal)

i believe i can say that i have had a pretty exciting and eventful last few days full of new experiences and things that hopefully never happen again!

it all started on monday. my plane left minneapolis/st. paul airport on time. but little did i know that when i was talking to nick before our call was lost, that the storm he mentioned would be the exact storm that kept me in the airplane circling atlanta for an extra hour and a half. i was freaking out on the plane thinking that i was going to miss my flight to argentina and cause all sorts of problems for meeting up with anthony. but the plane eventually landed and then i was left to wait to get off the plane.

while i was waiting, nick called me. he said that he was in the airport and wanted to see me if possible. but alas, i had to rush to my next flight. i told nick i couldn't make it to see him, but i was really touched that he had driven all that way. i made it to my next flight on time, but others didn't, so we waited for them. for an extra hour and a half. i could've seen nick after all. but it was too late.

being on that airplane was the first time i felt overwhelmed by all the spanish i heard around me.

when we finally took off, we were in the air for about twenty minutes before i noticed a commotion about five rows ahead of me. a guy was having a seizure. people crowded around, and doctors on the flight took care of him. i felt a little reassured that should i have a medical emergency, i would be taken care of.

the flight was really long and boring, and would end up being longer than i thought.

about four or five hours later, the man had another seizure, and it was a big one, with vomiting i believe (sorry nick). i was glad that i was not in the near vicinity. but everyone was talking and we had to make an emergency landing in panama city, panama. so i was technically in panama, but i technically wasn't in panama. that sucks. we sat on the ground for 1-2 hours, but eventually ended up leaving the guy there....i feel kind of bad.

you know the map they show that tracks the plane's progress? well yeah, according to that, i never left atlanta the entire flight. so much for being informed.

p.s. i watched karate kid in the airplane. good movie. you should see it.

after six hours in the air to panama, it was another six hours to argentina. my plane got there late. anthony and i had planned to meet in the gate area. i was quickly ushered to customs. i never found anthony. i kept hoping he would be in the next section but he wasn't. i was really freaked out, i had to go through customs alone.

i paid my fee, turned in some papers and went to baggage claim. no anthony. i got my bags but at this point i teared up. i was scared and trying to come up with a plan to page him in the airport if i couldn't find him. but thankfully he was out waiting for me in the main part of the airport.

we left and got a taxi. this is where it gets interesting again. when we were driving to exit the airport, all of the sudden police stopped us. police cars parked behind us. we had to get out of the car. passports were shuffled about, lots of talking while krista sat there in blissful ignorance as to what was happening in the spanish storm around her. it ended up being that we had gotten into a taxi with crooks. the police stepping in was actually a good thing. we got into another taxi and went to the adventist church in buenos aires. did i mention it was raining this whole time while we were standing outside? oh, and i hadn't peed for at least 9 hours and wouldn't for another 2.

it took a long time to get into the church, but the people were really nice to us. they let us leave our bags as we walked around the city. it is a cool city, very beautiful. but something awful happened on the way back to the church. we left down town as everyone was getting off of work. the subway was a mess. i had no idea that many people could squish into a tiny car. i was mushed up into anthony and people were pressing into me on every side. krista turner no longer had any space bubble. maybe it was even going into the negative realm. where space bubble had been 10 feet before, in the subway, it turned into -26 billion. but little did i know that it was about to become -260 kajillion. there was this creepy man that had gotten on a few stops after us. he gradually made his way over to where i was and seemed really strange about getting really close to me. i'm sorry for the graphic nature, but honestly, his hand ended up basically in my crotch. i freaked out. i turned away, he maneuvered too. i spun around the other direction, he did too. i was getting into sheer panic mode. i backed as far as i could into anthony and straight up watched this guy's hand to make sure he wouldn't do that again. anthony was about to push me behind him when the guy got off. i don't know if this guy was doing that on purpose, or if it was just so crowded that he couldn't avoid it, but nonetheless, i felt really shaken after that. ugh.

when we got back to the church, i experienced something that again invades my space bubble. the right cheek kiss. everyone does it in argentina. i'm still getting used to it.

well anthony and i eventually ended up at the bus station to catch a bus to the town where UAP is. it left at 11:00. we arrived in the rain at 4:45 in the morning. we went to the gate of the university to see if they would let us in. they wouldn't. we had to go back to the station and sit on the most uncomfortable benches. we eventually find our way into the university a few hours later only to find that the deans weren't on duty. more waiting. eventually they show up, but they didn't really have a room for me, which they said that they would. more waiting. anthony and i toured the town while we waited, in the rain.

i come back and they show me to my room. i live off campus about a block in a third dorm thing. i have one roommate. she speaks very little english. everyone here speaks very little english. it has been interesting. we live in a decent sized room with our own bathroom! praise the Lord! by this point i hadn't peed in like 14 or 15 hours. neither had anthony. we were tired and dehydrated but kept going on with getting things arranged. anthony found a bridge to camp under tonight while i showered, which i hadn't done for like three days. i reeked, i felt disgusting, and i had been rained on countless times. it wasn't pretty. but i did get a warm shower, which felt soo good!

i met up with anthony again and we hiked to the bridge. apparently we were like the pied piper for the stray dogs, particularly one who seemed to be the poster boy for dogs with STDs. he has issues. serious issues. we went to the bridge where anthony proudly displayed his little set up. we sat down and ended up falling asleep. so i can now say that i have indeed slept under a bridge! i feel like chelsea would be really proud of me on this one.

we have been bumming around town doing not a whole lot because today was a holiday and no one was at the school for me to talk to. anthony has fallen asleep countless times and is in fact asleep at the table next to me in this internet cafe.

but have no fear, i think i will like it. it will be challenging for sure, and it already has been. but i have gotten a taste of what it is like to communicate in spanish! and it is exciting.

i miss everyone a lot. thanks for your well wishes and prayers. anthony and i didn't eat until four today, so we are going to get a real supper now.

this has been THE LONGEST DAY EVER, and it's not quite over yet.... we shall see if we have any adventures left for us tonight!

stupid brain

i am having one of those nights when i can't turn my brain off in order to sleep. it is very frustrating. it usually happens the night before something exciting is going to happen, like a big trip or seeing a boy that i like the next day in school. but i don't know why exactly my brain is refusing to go into hibernate mode. if only there were a button for that like there is on my computer. if only someone could just come up to me and push my belly button and i would slowly go blank with only a pulsing light to let people know i was indeed alive, just hibernating. i don't know why i can't sleep. maybe it was the fact that i sat on my butt all day watching football. or maybe it was the fact that i took a decently long nap late this afternoon. or maybe it was the fact that i had a chai tea latte after supper (don't those have caffeine in them?!) whatever it is, i am not tired and lying in bed is not helping the situation. i've heard that if you can't sleep, you should go to some other place than your room and do something relaxing to help ease your mind into "it's time to sleep" mode. well i can't really go anywhere else right now. i suppose i could go over and sit in the chair in my room, but it's cold and i quite frankly don't want to get out of my warm bed. but i am hoping that writing will get all of these things out of my mind, or at least make me feel like i have talked about them and can leave them be for the moment.

there are three things that i am thinking of mainly. a) a boy, b) a song, and c) argentina. i feel really silly saying this, like i am some preteen girl, but this boy is really on my brain. a lot. i really like him. :) enough said. the song i keep thinking about is one that chelsea told me about. it is so beautiful. it is one of those melodies that just touches my heart and soul. the emotion that runs through me when i hear it is insane. a real crying out to God. since i have been listening to it, a.k.a. only a billion times already, i have become determined to learn it. i really want to push myself to play the piano better and to sharpen my skills of hearing things, learning chords, and being able to sing while i play. then i can truly cry this song out to my God, whether it be in the privacy of my own small room on my humble old upright, or in front of others if i ever work up the nerve to share my talents. the third thing, argentina, is occupying a large chunk of my brain and will require its own paragraph.

at this point in the night, it is one week until i leave for argentina. i am excited beyond belief, but also scared, which i will admit is understandable. at least it is understandable in my brain. i am scared because there are a lot of unknowns, but that is also exciting in its own way. it will be so good, but up until now, i think i have been thinking mainly of the good, and not so much how hard it will actually be. i know that the instant i get down there i will be overwhelmed. i am going to have to work my butt off in order to learn the language. there will be much forcing of myself out of my comfort zone going on so that i can learn this language for reals. if anyone could hear me right now they would laugh because i am lying here in bed thinking up all these different scenarios and talking to myself (and other imaginary people) in my limited spanish. "hola!" "mucho gusto!" "como estas?" "lo siento pero mi espanol es muy malo, especialmente despues del verano." "habla ingles?" "hable muy lentamente por favor!" it is really depressing trying to carry on a conversation with myself and realizing i know about two of all the words i need for a sentence. there is going to be a lot of "no entiendo-ing" and "como se dice-ing" going on. :( i want to embrace this experience whole-heartedly. i know i will regret it if i don't. but that means a lot of stretching myself. but hey, i wanted growth didn't i? it will be really interesting to see the person i am after this year. i wonder if i will be the pretty much the same, or just a better version of me, krista 2.0. anthony told me tonight that he had talked to one of his friends down there and she is excited to meet me and take care of me. that really warms my heart. someone wants to take care of me! i cannot express how badly i want to form some really deep bonds with people down there, not just students, but people in the church and community. i feel like i could learn a lot from them in many ways. i feel like i could learn a lot about myself too. i sort of wonder if i have too high of hopes, but doesn't that mean that i will just try harder to fulfill those dreams? in my past, i have tended to be a pessimist, so why all of the sudden am i so optimistic about this? i will admit, i like being optimistic about it. it is going to be one of the greatest experiences of my life. i have no doubt about that. i like to think about all the possibilities of this coming year. but i don't like to think about them this late at night when i am trying to go to sleep.

chrees would be proud. i brought it back around, just like a good speech or article or something. mr. nesius would be proud too, right jess?

well i'm going to listen to this wonderful song one more time and then call it a night. hopefully.

late at night

it's late at night and i am nostalgic. i am often nostalgic when it gets to be my favorite time of the day. the night time is the right time. that phrase makes me think of anthony. i'm sitting here on my comfy bed. it is dark. i have five candles scattered about my room that are emitting a wonderfully delicate glow. the candles make me think of friday nights in southern village. dissonance, then delicious resolution fills my ears. a haunting song that fits the mood i am in. the song makes me think of chrees.

i looked through all my pictures tonight. it is amazing the time and distance that you can travel in your mind. i went back to israel. israel makes me think of martin and ross and alex and brianna and ben and countless others. i went back to graduation where all of us were hanging on to the precious few moments we had left with each other. those dear ones that i love so much and will always want back. i went back to sabbath afternoon meals at elisa and graves'. i went back to our awesome back porch, volleyball afternoons, and walks. i went back to when i painted in church with nick. i went back to my art show. i went back to our road trip over christmas. i went back to our photo shoots, our thanksgiving meals, our crafty times. i went back to last fall when tara, chels, schnell and i decided to try and hurdle a couch outside on our lawn. i went back to that one awful weekend. i went back to nicaragua and my time there. that makes me miss kaitlin. i went back to high school and banquet and valley fair. i went to all my major memories and all the really good little ones in between, the ones that make friendships.

my journey made me smile. it made me want to cry. it made me laugh out right. so many memories, so many friends, family really, that has ties deeper and stronger than blood. there are so many memories that i wish i could re-live and go back to. precious times.

sometimes i have feelings so strong and deep in my soul that i almost can't stand it. a need to go back, a need to capture more memories, a need to see what the future holds.

i wonder why memories and yearnings have to evoke such deep emotion in me. why can't i accept them for the good times i had and move on? why do they have to hurt so much sometimes, even if it is a good hurt?

i don't know. but i guess that is the good thing about memories. i have all the mental images and feelings and atmosphere that were tied to that specific point in time all in my mind, ready for instant recall if i should so choose. this past year i really stocked up on the memories. i know for a fact that those memories will spur me on to create more WITH THOSE SAME PEOPLE. they will get me through this next year.

my memories are my record of my life. i have had a dang. good. life.

reflection

when i look back at who i was a year ago, the change is insane. i have done like a 180, or at least a 90.... but whatever the degree, i have grown so much. and i have to admit, i'm really proud of that. i'm proud of the fact that i used to be a shy, timid girl who thought that she didn't matter, but now am a girl that has confidence and is gaining more each and every day. i'm proud of the fact that i somehow found strength that i didn't even know i had, to do what i knew was right for me. i'm proud of the fact that i used to be a scaredy-cat who was afraid to try anything new and out of her comfort zone, and now i am a person who is opening up my mind more and more and is willing to try new things and, dare i say it, becoming a person who seeks out adventure. i'm proud of the fact that i used to be a really up-tight person, but have chilled out a lot and am still working on that area. i'm proud of the fact that i was settling in my relationship with God but now want to change that. i'm proud of the fact that i used to see myself as ugly and unappealing, but now i am beginning to discover my beauty, inside and out.

i am proud of the fact that i used to be stagnant in so many areas of my life, but now am searching and growing so much spiritually and emotionally, and just as a whole. i think i have seen more growth in the last year of my life than in the last 20. and it feels good. really good. and now that i have tasted a bit of that growth, i want more.

and i'm going to get it.

i'm going to argentina soon. i feel that this year is going to stretch me beyond belief. it scares me to death, but i know it will be good for me, and in the end, i will absolutely have grown from the process. i'm excited to see what God has in store.

before i went to israel this summer, i was really depressed. my heart was torn up into a million little pieces, and was with my friends at wawona. i felt like i had made a wrong decision in going to israel. i was grumpy about it, straight up. but then i went to israel and it was seriously one of the best decisions i have ever made. i learned so much on that trip and grew so much as well.

i am a little depressed right now before i go to argentina. this time, my heart is not only torn up into a million little pieces, but is scattered about the country. many of the pieces are congregating in collegedale tennessee. there are pieces in georgia. there are pieces in illinois, minnesota, north dakota, iowa, utah, colorado, california, and washington, not to mention italy, and peru. the process of getting the logistics worked out to even go to argentina has been a nightmare, leaving me to question if i should even be going. but i am just keeping my israel experience in mind. i'm hoping for a repeat performance.

my friend has a saying "i will not let my past dictate my God" and i need to heed that. i will not let my past insecurities dictate how my God is going to work in me in this coming year. i will not let my past reactions and tendencies dictate how i react to troubled times. my God is working. i will leave it in his huge capable hands. i will grow, even in this.

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
I can't do it alone I've tried
And I don't know why

I am just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down I know
I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show

when i was a kid, the movie mulan came out. i never liked it a ton because the first time i watched it, i got sick later that night and so i always associated that movie with being sick. but there is one song in the movie that really resonates with me. it's called reflection.

Look at me
I will never pass for
A perfect bride
Or a perfect daughter
Can it be
I'm not meant to play this part?
Now I see
That if I were truly
To be myself
I would break my family's heart.

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection someone
I don't know?
Somehow I cannot hide
Who I am, though I've tried.
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

although i still have a long ways to go, i think that my reflection is finally starting to show who i am inside. and that feels good. really good.