stupid brain

i am having one of those nights when i can't turn my brain off in order to sleep. it is very frustrating. it usually happens the night before something exciting is going to happen, like a big trip or seeing a boy that i like the next day in school. but i don't know why exactly my brain is refusing to go into hibernate mode. if only there were a button for that like there is on my computer. if only someone could just come up to me and push my belly button and i would slowly go blank with only a pulsing light to let people know i was indeed alive, just hibernating. i don't know why i can't sleep. maybe it was the fact that i sat on my butt all day watching football. or maybe it was the fact that i took a decently long nap late this afternoon. or maybe it was the fact that i had a chai tea latte after supper (don't those have caffeine in them?!) whatever it is, i am not tired and lying in bed is not helping the situation. i've heard that if you can't sleep, you should go to some other place than your room and do something relaxing to help ease your mind into "it's time to sleep" mode. well i can't really go anywhere else right now. i suppose i could go over and sit in the chair in my room, but it's cold and i quite frankly don't want to get out of my warm bed. but i am hoping that writing will get all of these things out of my mind, or at least make me feel like i have talked about them and can leave them be for the moment.

there are three things that i am thinking of mainly. a) a boy, b) a song, and c) argentina. i feel really silly saying this, like i am some preteen girl, but this boy is really on my brain. a lot. i really like him. :) enough said. the song i keep thinking about is one that chelsea told me about. it is so beautiful. it is one of those melodies that just touches my heart and soul. the emotion that runs through me when i hear it is insane. a real crying out to God. since i have been listening to it, a.k.a. only a billion times already, i have become determined to learn it. i really want to push myself to play the piano better and to sharpen my skills of hearing things, learning chords, and being able to sing while i play. then i can truly cry this song out to my God, whether it be in the privacy of my own small room on my humble old upright, or in front of others if i ever work up the nerve to share my talents. the third thing, argentina, is occupying a large chunk of my brain and will require its own paragraph.

at this point in the night, it is one week until i leave for argentina. i am excited beyond belief, but also scared, which i will admit is understandable. at least it is understandable in my brain. i am scared because there are a lot of unknowns, but that is also exciting in its own way. it will be so good, but up until now, i think i have been thinking mainly of the good, and not so much how hard it will actually be. i know that the instant i get down there i will be overwhelmed. i am going to have to work my butt off in order to learn the language. there will be much forcing of myself out of my comfort zone going on so that i can learn this language for reals. if anyone could hear me right now they would laugh because i am lying here in bed thinking up all these different scenarios and talking to myself (and other imaginary people) in my limited spanish. "hola!" "mucho gusto!" "como estas?" "lo siento pero mi espanol es muy malo, especialmente despues del verano." "habla ingles?" "hable muy lentamente por favor!" it is really depressing trying to carry on a conversation with myself and realizing i know about two of all the words i need for a sentence. there is going to be a lot of "no entiendo-ing" and "como se dice-ing" going on. :( i want to embrace this experience whole-heartedly. i know i will regret it if i don't. but that means a lot of stretching myself. but hey, i wanted growth didn't i? it will be really interesting to see the person i am after this year. i wonder if i will be the pretty much the same, or just a better version of me, krista 2.0. anthony told me tonight that he had talked to one of his friends down there and she is excited to meet me and take care of me. that really warms my heart. someone wants to take care of me! i cannot express how badly i want to form some really deep bonds with people down there, not just students, but people in the church and community. i feel like i could learn a lot from them in many ways. i feel like i could learn a lot about myself too. i sort of wonder if i have too high of hopes, but doesn't that mean that i will just try harder to fulfill those dreams? in my past, i have tended to be a pessimist, so why all of the sudden am i so optimistic about this? i will admit, i like being optimistic about it. it is going to be one of the greatest experiences of my life. i have no doubt about that. i like to think about all the possibilities of this coming year. but i don't like to think about them this late at night when i am trying to go to sleep.

chrees would be proud. i brought it back around, just like a good speech or article or something. mr. nesius would be proud too, right jess?

well i'm going to listen to this wonderful song one more time and then call it a night. hopefully.