to be used up

i just went back and re-read all of my blog posts from the beginning. some of them inspire me, some of them make me sad. but it was good to see the person i was back then and the journey i have been on. i had so much hope in the beginning. i am a little embarrassed to say that i have lost some of that, ok maybe a lot of that. i'm a little hesitant to say that i have been struggling a lot lately with feelings of inadequacy and depression and boredom and wondering why i am here in argentina. i have had a sour attitude that i am not proud of. i don't feel needed at all, which is not a good feeling. i have been complaining about a lot of things. i hate being so discontent with things and not being able to turn my attitude around. but reading some of my blogs has made me determined to finish out this year strong, or at least stronger than it has been of late.

i found a quote the other day that i liked

"this is true joy in life, the being used up for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one, the being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy." ~george bernard shaw

it was a little slap in the face. i have come to realize that i don't do well when i don't feel needed, wanted, or like i am making a difference.

but maybe i will have another little opportunity. i am to have some new students that don't speak much english at all. maybe this time i will actually feel like i am making a difference. and maybe it's time to stop focusing on how miserable i might feel, stop bemoaning my situation or feelings and just try to be used up for a mighty purpose, whatever it might be.