tonight i went for a walk

it started out as wanting a small form of exercise, but as i walked around campus i found myself wandering into the garden of prayer. i have never gone there of my own wanting, but tonight it sort of drew me in. i sat down with every intention of praying, but i got distracted. i got distracted by the peace i felt as i sat there.

the night is deliciously cool, cold almost, and i felt the results of that on my skin. i watched a black cat chasing a cricket in the way that only a cat can. and i know it sounds silly, but that was the most beautiful thing to me in that moment. and i became aware of the peace, the restoration of just sitting, watching, and basking in the silence of being alone at night. no one else was there. the stars were shining, the crickets were softly chirping and i was with my God. ironic, how i found Him in the silence.

i thought about how He has a plan for me and that i don't need to worry. i even chuckled to myself with how much impact the simple thought had on me. it also dawned on me that even though i have confidence issues and may not be able to have confidence in myself, i can have confidence in Him. again, simple thought, but sometimes the simplest thoughts can be so profound for me at the right time.

i realized that i have lost focus, and now i'm trying to get it back. i am here for a purpose. and if that purpose be sitting in a little side office and stapling papers, then i will sit in that office and staple papers to the best of my ability. i am here to teach. and if it is only two or three students that i get to teach, well then i will try to teach them to the best of my ability. i am here to learn. to grow. to think. i think i am even here to hurt a little, so that i can look back and say, "you know what? i had some really hard times in argentina. but God got me through them. and even if it hurt, it was worth it, because He made me better because of it."

i know i can't explain it very well, but tonight was so beautiful.