i am a disillusionist. is that a word? well i'm making it one right now. i thought argentina was going to be like israel, namely that i was going to love it from the instant i got here. well, quite frankly, i'm still waiting for that love to kick in. it's really pretty here, amazingly beautiful farmland, and the food here is decent. but i just am having a hard time wrapping my mind around me staying here for 7 months.
i thought that i would instantly make friends. i'm terrified of everyone! i am so scared to try and speak spanish and heaven forbid someone speak in spanish to me. i have discovered that my ears indeed do not connect to my brain as i previously thought.
it is going to be very interesting. i feel so lost and so extremely frustrated with myself. i have wanted to cry pretty much all day today. i'm sort of appreciative of the weather sharing my feelings. at least something can weep when i can't. but at the same time it has been freezing and that is not what i expected either! i have been wearing my clothes (didn't we all assume that anyways? no guys, we walk around naked down here. :/ ), my coat, and rain coat, and then i added anthony's coat and precip on to that and i'm STILL cold!
today i went to the cafeteria for the first time. i told anthony that if there is anywhere in the world where i feel like a loser, it's in a cafeteria with all those unfamiliar faces and the din of spanish around me. and then he told me that that if i sit alone i will basically be swarmed by argentine guys wanting to talk to me. thanks anthony, real helpful. AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
the only boy i have actually been comfortable talking with is alex clouzet. he is nice. he probably feels sorry for me, the little scared american girl. he slacklines though. maybe i will get to practice my slacklining more. if it would stop raining.
i have a bad attitude that i need to change. last night i cried before i went to bed and as i was in bed. in the midst of crying, i sort of talked to God. i told him that i feel very un-brave right now and very wimpy. this morning, as i was searching for a new book to start for my devotions, one verse, the only one in red on the page jumped out at me: But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9.
well all i can say is that God is going to be proven as pretty darn powerful because this scared little american girl is very weak.
God, can you just PLEASE reconnect my ears?!
p.s. there is a very large spider that lives by my bed that i discovered last night. i think of him as bob, but that seems a little unoriginal for me. he is living only because i am scared of him. which doesn't really make sense, other than that there is NO WAY i am sticking my hand down in that corner to kill him. he would bite my hand off. no thanks. i'm going to need that hand.
but yeah, this isn't what i thought it was going to be. but hopefully this disillusionist will become a non disillusionist. i don't want to say an illusionist because that wouldn't really make sense, now would it? i really need to get on this proper english thing since i'm going to be teaching it.. oh boy.
The beginning is hard. I so wish it wasn't. But it gets better. I will write you a long email when I get back from camping with the pathfinders. I love you, friend, and I will keep in touch with you, and I will be here when you get back and we will be friends through it all. You can do this. God can do this.
ReplyDeleteYes, the beginning is hard. And from my experience, getting there after the other Americans makes it harder. Especially, if I may say so, for people like you and me. Let that Clouzet guy be good to you; I think he's got a good heart in there somewhere. He better anyway, or I'll have something to say to him. Your ears will take about three months to connect to your brain. Maybe faster if you force yourself to study Spanish, to read it, and mostest of most especially, to speak it. Listening is helpful as well, but mainly if you're also studying it (on paper and also studying it while the person is talking. Analyze their sentence structures, conjugations, etc.). Oh man, Krista. I'm seriously hoping that you don't repeat my time there. But if you do, I can say that it I have carried away many treasures. Even tonight when we went to a little vegetarian restaurant here near the SDA college, I saw alfajores in the display window. I bought one. It wasn't the same as Argentina, but it was a treasured memory. A cultural connection that I have, and that will always be with me. Time's a b-word though, sometimes. And change. And inability to express and comprehend language. Listen to Chelsea though. She's got your back.
ReplyDeleteWe also pray that you will be strengthened with His glorious power so that you will have all the patience and endurance you need.
ReplyDeleteColossians 1:11
Here's a big 'Blog Hug' from me to you. And a wink ;) letting you know that things will be ok...From what I remember of you, you're a pretty strong person---and you have an even stronger Person watching over you.
ReplyDeleteI think that the history of Krista Turner proves that this beginning will not be what the end is like. Think of last year. :) I love you dear friend. And again, super proud.
ReplyDeleteslacklining...it brings people together...Yeah!
ReplyDeleteSister...you got this...no worries!
You are braver than you feel right now. That's my opinion. Also, it is my opinion that it would be cool if you were an illusionist. I love magic tricks.
ReplyDeleteah man! you nailed it on the finger---aka i can feel your PAIN through this post! and now you've made me scared krista! good one! :) i leave in eleven days and i've got worries i haven't yet voiced. really though, this non-full-of-your-self-blog-post is the kind of attitude that is going to make you succeed. :) do you drink matte all the time? is that how you spell it? i like that stuff!
ReplyDelete